The Pig's Life: Aim for the Skies

2012-02-04T00:46:00.001+08:00

What happens when a void of emptiness, becomes a void of darkness?

2012-02-02T23:11:00.001+08:00

they say, it's the process of growing up.
this transition..
i will miss my teenage years eh..

2012-01-31T01:38:00.003+08:00

I smile when I think about the past
Reluctantly I move towards the unpredictable future
Become someone who I would not recognise
Someone who is better than he used to be

As I sit here right now typing this post
I am still in a loss about my future
I have lost interest in gaming as a hobby
But it has merely become a once in while leisure

I look for jobs in an attempt to satisfy this emptiness
The only companions left, my family and my closest friends
I still try to struggle towards living a fully independent life
A life full of worries, and one I need to familiarize

Results day seems like judgement day
Enlistment date is getting near
Only a few weeks left
A part of me wants time to hasten

I am still in the same usual state
The one who never reveals his troubles to others
The one who'd rather solve his own problems
But one who'd love to know someone who understands

Hopefully the day will come
When I finally feel inner peace and happiness
and finally have the void of emptiness filled
Which was sort of, my dream

It will take a while
As we are all still young
Life is an adventure
One that revolves around understanding, figuring, improving, and being, me.

2012-01-27T00:52:00.001+08:00

As lonely as ever!

2011-12-10T01:30:00.001+08:00

If not for this blog, I would have committed lots of mistakes. :)
Life goes on!

2011-11-27T01:03:00.001+08:00

I wonder if you still think of me..
I wonder..
I wonder if you are waiting for my text..
I wonder..
I wonder if you are waiting for me..
i wonder..
I wonder if I just keeping my hopes up..
I wonder......

...
I am scared of dreaming about us again.. It's so good that I'm afraid to face it.
I need to settle all these soon.. These thoughts in my mind.. I have to face them eventually..

Maybe I should try one last time..
I am so worried about how you are doing..
At least there are people there for you now.. So it's not too bad..
I need to face the fact that I've failed my part..
I need to stop looking at that window..
Seriously stop. But I don't know why I still hold on..

All the best to you.. If you ever don't want me to be part of your life again.. I need to be prepared for the worst I guess..

I cant bear not sending any text to you.. But that is the only way to prevent everything from worsening.. Why didnt I text? Cos you reply in a way as if you dont want me to text.. Then why bother hurting myself.. and hurting you..

If fate really wants to bring us together.. Do we have to grab the chance ourselves or are we just going to "let nature take its own course?" a miracle will be needed.

I think I am getting too tired to think about all this.. I will just try again. See how it goes..

If its because of my exams..
I've made you suffer.. Why am I so inconsiderate..

2011-11-26T08:49:00.001+08:00

Life is short.

2011-11-25T00:43:00.001+08:00

I want this feeling of freedom to always remain.. I have yearned for it so much..

But there comes a problem.
I still need you.

2011-11-24T02:13:00.001+08:00

I've always been thinking..
Why am I always so deeply emotional and why am I always so affected by all this?
Then I realized..

My dream.. has always been to..
Attain love & happiness..
That was all I ever wanted to fuifill my life..

Someone who can understand me and change me for the better.. Someone who love me more than I do..
Someone who will.. save me..
Does that someone even exist..

Oh i don't even know what I truly want.. I have rarely thought for myself.. I always judge myself.. I am always too hard on myself..

Who would want a man like me who has such unstable emotions?

I just want someone who can.. save me..

But wait.. Why can't I save myself?!!!
I have to do something about myself.. I have to do this on my own..

I have to start facing everything..
I have to start accepting everything..
I have to start making a change..
To myself.

2011-11-14T23:57:00.001+08:00

Some words I say in this blog are A result of my anger or my sadness..
They are all posted here for the sake of venting my emotions..
I'll be fine! Just need time..

2011-11-12T23:07:00.001+08:00

I felt a barrier between us
I felt invisible sometimes
I thought you were just tired, but things continued and my worries grew after every day
Prelims came, to be honest half the time during exams I am not focused at all
I couldnt take it and voiced it out when people around us actually noticed changes
You finally said something about it
But you suddenly seem like a totally different person
I was utterly shocked
I tried to stay calm
But I failed due to the overwhelming stress from the both the fact that I might fail my prelims and also lose you
Unable to take the stress, I consulted a friend about it
I took her advice and went too far
Till now I don't know if I have done the right thing
The fact that I pushed to talk instead of waiting
I didn't even know what I was saying to you half the time cos I was near the verge the falling apart
I don't even know if things would have been better if I had just let it rest while you sort your thoughts out
And you made the final call
I felt like I..
I pushed everything to the back of my brain as I was studying
And till this day I still have not found the time to cry my hearts out
All because of exams
Now
I don't even know why I still hold on
I don't even know if you want to try again
I don't even know whether I should try again

One reason why I chose to study outside was because of how painful it is to remind myself whenever I look out of the window

The reason why I suddenly talked to you about my loss in my visions and goals in my life is because I suddenly felt extremely lost
I felt so distant from you

I did not do anything

I had so many things in my mind to follow
I was still in the midst of trying to fully open up to you and fully overcome my fear

Amazing how so much things happen even before I reach the end of the year

I wanted to carry on talking to you but your replies deal extremely heavy blows to my heart
I couldnt take it anymore
Cos everything just aint the same

If only you were more sensitive, you would have realized...
That actually...
.....
Did you know my self-esteem is extremely low?
I just needed encouragement when I shared worries with someone
Not criticisms
And everyone has different opinions
When you compared with how different we think
I felt like jumping off my window
How can you say that!

And uh btw
You cant just tell me how I feel!
I know how I feel!

I am not telling you all these in the face cos I am losing hope and faith to carry on..
If I can catch even a slight glimpse of hope.. I will try again.

Its just that I am losing sight of the possibility of having you again

But I am glad I was once part of the reason why you were hapy
I am glad to able to help you pull through an extremely difficult period

And btw I am still here.
I never intend to leave.

You are lucky to have elder siblings you know,
Put yourself in your eldest bro's shoes once in a while..

I'm done.
I am not honest by saying all these opinions out because of various reasons
I dont want to hurt you
I dont want you to feel responsible

You do have your bad points, but thats just you, uniquely you. Isnt love all about accepting..
But yeah i guess it didnt work out..

Oh well I dont know what to do about it anyway
Changing myself and trying to force things further is just gonna ruin me further
But I just cant give up
My heart just refuses to

I hope it finally comes to a decision before my birthday

Naturally
Sure

life goes on and i'll just continue doing what i want and what i like

(Only people who cared could find this blog.. Thats the whole point..)

A few days to As..

2011-11-03T23:33:00.001+08:00

I am back here again.

Throughout my entire life.. The biggest obstacle I have ever met is myself.
Low self-confidence and low self-esteem, and the fact that I can't express my feelings properly all because of the fear that I will hurt someone..

I'm always trying to push blames to myself.. Because I always feel responsible for the bad things happening around me.. I can't do things well.. I have disappointed people.. I have hurt the feelings of people..

I am just so so afraid of doing something wrong again that I can't seem to face reality.. I always neglect my heart's own desires because of fear.. I've always kept my problems to myself cos I don't want to disturb other people's busy lives.. & when I tell my problems to someone I don't want to hear lectures.. Cos I already sort of know what needs to be done.. I just need a listening ear.. But people don't understand this..

I don't like it when people think they know me very well.. I really don't..

And that's when I turn to a diary like this to express all these things out..

I always let my feelings and emotions affect my academics and everything I do.. I always yearned for someone who could understand me and support me emotionally.. But I think I am just too selfish.. Other people have their own needs too.. I can't just care about my own...

I always tried to minimize hatred but people just endlessly disappoint me with their lack of sensitivity.. Yes I have extremely low self-esteem.. Are you going to laugh at me about it?

Why did this blog post even transform to yet another ordinary rant post?

----

I have huge difficulty trusting people..
I don't get why being honest can be a bad thing sometimes.. I don't get why people are so critical about words I say.. I make mistakes okay? I am not perfect... I have many many flaws..

Ah here I go again..

----

I guess losing someone special meant losing a part of me...
Cause I feel really lost.

To place someone as top priority and then suddenly things change..

My brain's giving 1000 reasons to give up.. But my heart just refuses to give in..

I'm tired.
I'm really tired...

Angels are crying...

It is so hard to open up to someone.. Especially after experiencing so much pain in the past.. It's too much..

Whenever I feel the tears I just stop thinking and push them back in..

I feel hopeless.. Why am I dreaming that you will come back to me again.. It probably is not going to happen.. Even though my heart always wishes to see your message appear on my phone sometimes..

I hate to say the sentence "I should get back to my A's" I f-ing hate it.

You are the reason for my happiness..

Hai... What's the use typing all those words.. I still feel as emo as ever..
I should go sleep and forget about all these thoughts in my mind..

I really want you back so badly.. But if you don't have feelings for me anymore I can't force you..

& I hurt you too much.. I am a terrible partner... If only I could save you.. If only I could support you... If only I could spend more time with you.. If only I could still be the one you can always count on.. If only...

You once asked if we will still talk at the end of the year. I don't lie.. If I was given a chance..

2011-11-03T22:36:00.001+08:00

I wonder if you are feeling the way I do right now..

If only I could see your smile right now..

Lost.

2011-09-22T00:04:00.001+08:00

I'm back here again. Many many things have happened recently.. And there are many things I wish to say. But this time, I have to keep some a secret as of now.

Prelims. I can assure you I am not doing my best. I am just not focused.. There are so many things in my mind these few days.. Mostly caused by both my self-confidence and over-thinking about many things, as well as my paranoia.. Sorry if I hurt you in any way.. I just wanted a way of assurance.. Even though I know it myself that i am just thinking and worrying too much.. I am pretty emotionally unstable these few days.. And I hope you understand.. I just didn want to disturb you given that you have many set of troubles yourself.. You had your own share of pain.. And mine is just incomparable to yours..

I kept thinking about my life.. I lost motivation.. Lost my vision.. What exactly do I want with my life anyway? I don't know.. I thought for quite a while.. But now, i know i have to finish this A levels well.. I have no choice..
I have not fully decided on my career choice, given the fact that a recent newspaper article citing the dissatisfaction of IT workers worsened my dilenma. (dilenma is an understatement) I just wanna lead a happy life, that's all.. I don't like it being complicated, just simple.. Having a wonderful family, a wonderful partner who understands you and is always there for you.. I will be more than happy :)

Unstable emotions.. Ughh.. I have to battle these tough phase of my life and emerge victorious no matter what it takes..!

2011-05-23T23:58:00.003+08:00

You are a godsent.
All these coincidences don't happen without a reason.
In fact they happen so much, so much that they are implying that fate's bringing us together.

I remember you by your personality, the way you talk.
In a way that is a good thing.
It's only a month plus.. And it felt like a few years.
Can't wait for the next few months to pass...

What's going to happen? I have no idea.
I've almost given up on trying to predict.
Life has been too unpredictable.

But to sum it all up,
You are my kind of perfect.

Resolution

2011-04-04T01:11:00.002+08:00

One is infatuation, the other is a crush. (i dunno how it is gonna develop, i have a feeling it is gonna grow fast!)
Yup. And I have an idea of how to handle everything. Shall cfm it again..

Troubles

2011-04-04T00:28:00.002+08:00

So yeah recently there are lots of things in my mind that is making me really confused. So many events happened in such a short period of time.

1) Ever since the start of 2011, you started getting really close to me during Guitar and there was once an incident when you.. and yeah that moment freaked me out. Like why did you do that? Maybe it is considered normal to you but it still is worrying, because I really can't tell what you are thinking. Yeah, and probably mainly because we are sitting beside each other during ensemble practices, we get to interact more often and this further adds to our closeness... But everything happened really fast! You treat me so well, I am happy. BUT...

I have heard many bad things about you. You treat everyone differently. And that is very worrying, because I might not be able to fully understand the real you (although I can roughly tell who you are already) I am willing to help you through ordeal actually, because my heart tells me that you are in need of someone who can fully understand you and support you through everything. BUT AGAIN, I heard that there are many third parties involved in your case, which is making everything extremely difficult for me. I don't know if you like me or not. And for my case, I have no idea whether if it is true love or it is just infatuation on my part.

2) This is obviously just a crush, I know. But ever since we know each other as a junior-senior relationship who have never known that we live so close to each other, things have started to go about a very huge change. We talked to each other as if we are very close, and that smile you give me during every greeting... My friends say that it's obvious you have a thing for me. I dunno? I don't really like to go for assumptions but your smile actually makes my day... And there were many instances of coincidence that I still could not believe even now. It's like fate wants to do something about us. But once again I'm trying not to think too much ahead. You have started to appear in my mind recently, and I'm starting to look out for you among the crowds in school.

1 and 2. There are 2 people in my mind. (but for some reason, 2 is much more prominent in my mind now mainly because I just saw her awhile ago)

This is the main cause of my confusion.

----

And another, SYF.

I hope we can get at least a Gold. :/

Apparently I have this bad belief that Mr Choo is purposely not giving us the chance to score well. But once again, if we are good we shouldn't have been affected that much either.

And after that, comes the concert! Man there are too many worries in my mind already!

AND I'VE NOT EVEN TALKED ABOUT SCHOOLWORK YET!

(refuses to think about it further)

I hope my classmates understand if I tell them to not talk to me about stuff I don't want to hear.

Keep Track!

2011-02-27T14:52:00.003+08:00

That previous blog post doesn't really apply now.
Will delete it next time.
It's interesting how love and hate are very closely related.

Anyway I'm back here because I figured that I need my blog to help me keep track of how I'm doing.. As the thinking process behind every blog posts actually helps to remind myself.

Apparently I'm back to a similar event as compared to the one during 2009. The major exam period. Time to get the correct mentality once again and put in my best efforts. With SYF in one of priorities, things are tougher and of course together with the devastating amount of academic work to complete.

I can't promise anyone that I won't break down during this period but I can assure you after every CCA event ends, I will push to myself to my maximum limit. Be prepared to be yelled at if you ever want to influence me otherwise.

And hell, I'm still slacking a bit right now. Sad huh? That's when I must start getting rid of distractions. Games, yup. iPhone, darn.
Girls? Motivation to work harder? Lol.

I have another worry. My arm. I might not be able to attend Napfa. I don't know about the NS part though.. Haven't even gotten the letter for medical check up yet.

Well during this period, there will be lots of crushes no doubt -.-
Cos I'm not doing anything about it..

& screw the fucking tagboard spammers. Gtfo pls no one even comes here.

Might update this blog again soon, cya.
(Maybe delete the older unnecessary posts too)

My New Year Resolution?

2010-12-28T01:08:00.007+08:00

A lot of things went through my mind these few days.
I have been trying to find answers.
Perhaps, I might have already found them.

-----
Point One, My beliefs.
I tried to find out more about Christ. My friends, especially one who just converted not long ago. I was really really curious. His life changed totally for the better even when it was pretty ruined up. And yeah I turned up for Christmas Service at one of my friends' church to get an experience.

As from previous post, I was lost. Maybe because I stopped thinking to myself a lot. And I blame much of this to my social experience on the Internet. I'm just too absorbed at telling everyone on the internet how I feel. I forgot about myself.

I was just so curious, as to why they have found something so worthy to live for (In their case is God) And I realized why I'm in such a state. I thought about it, why am I doing all these? Who am I doing it for?

Sorry Christian friends, who prayed for me to be "saved" (in other words turn to Christ so that I can go to Heaven)
But I don't believe in your God. They have been (you know...) trying to.. yeah you get the idea.

I think, I think..
Everything I've done up till now is for myself.
For myself.
& That, is my answer.
-----

Point Two, My activities.
People may or may not have noticed, that I reduced my social activity on the Internet. I slowly decrease it, for the sake of my final academic exams.
No matter what, I need to force myself.
No matter what.

I need to shift my focus on the correct thing.
A price that I, a teenager living in a hungry-for-knowledge/money/fame/status society, have to pay- a part of my youth.
But THINK OF THIS:
AFTER A'S I'M GONNA ROCK THE WORLD.

YOU WAIT AND SEE MAN.
I GONNA FUCK-A-DOO-YEAH.
YOU FUCKING WAIT AND SEE.
(Uh btw the word "you".. I don't know who I'm referring to... Maybe MOE? O_o)

imy.

Fun Fact #1

2010-12-25T02:48:00.005+08:00

47 out of 76 people replied to my X'mas wishes.
:o
Still counting haha will update the figure.
Yeah deciding to stop Twitter for awhile. Probably Facebook.

Own Quotes

2010-12-24T02:27:00.001+08:00

It's not about living your life to the fullest, but rather living your life with a purpose.

Questions

2010-12-24T02:16:00.001+08:00

Sometimes I need someone to remind me,
Remind me that I'm loved,
Remind me about myself,
Remind me to persevere,
Just..
Someone to care.

I guess we all do feel that way sometimes, right?

In this busy life, all of us get so contained over what to do and what we do that we feel so empty sometimes.

But really, what do we live for?
Is it money?
Is it satisfaction?
Is it progress?
Is it happiness?
Is it love?
Or is it just living for the sake of living?

I realized, I lack the vision, the goal, the end in mind. The idea, the purpose... to live.

---

I spent so much time relaxing and working and playing.. But all of this is without purpose. Why am I doing all these?

So I thought.. What's matters the most in my life right now?

School.
Love.
Happiness.

Posted from my iPhone.

---

When you really stop and think about it, the world is beautiful...
Don't you think so?
:)

Warning!

2010-12-18T00:11:00.002+08:00

Sometimes I let my mind drift too far.
Which i shouldn't have let it so...

What happened yesterday night?
Memories of heartbreaks struck my head when I was lying on my bed in the dark.

I spent the next hour recovering from the pain caused by these flashbacks.

I thought I will never have the courage to love again.

But apparently I was wrong.

I tend to think too much sometimes.

I don't get over them all the time though..

So! Warning to self: Don't think too much!

You are more capable than you think you are.

2010-11-20T23:17:00.002+08:00

Hi thar.

Why am I here?

Nah nothing bad happened.

But I'm here to say that I will never give up.

I will 坚持到底

I will continue to find ways to find back, reinforce, back-up, and improve my self-esteem.

I will not relent to emotional distress.

If anyone is reading this well it's your lucky day!

I might never post anything here again,

until something bad happens again -.-

Well about love,

Let's just see how everything goes..

I am so shy you have no idea that I am.

2010-09-29T05:47:00.001+08:00

I don't know if you know
You don't know if I know
Or perhaps we all know
But no one talks about it

Or maybe it's just plain old me,
Thinking too much once again.

I typed that myself.

Warning: Rants ahead

2010-08-30T20:59:00.004+08:00

Notice: If you find the work "Fuck" offending just replace it with "Firetruck" as you read.

Yeah I know i know im fucking stupid and retarded yeah keep going on about my results and my slow thinking yeah fuck you.

I fucking hate people who despise you because of your standard.

Like what the fuck?!

Who the fuck do you think you are?

What the fuck is with that face?

I can fucking read your mind if you don't already know. Even though I can be fucking stupid in those pesky eyes of yours.

This is one fucking good reason why I should transfer school.

Like fucking seriously.

Why the fuck are all my other friends doing well and happy in their other JCs while I'm the only here having such a fucked up life?

Fuck. Seriously FUCK.

I will show them!

But fuck this. Fuck everything.

I'm emotionally tired.

I can feel it; I'm on the verge of collapsing.

Argh I won't give up!

I should consider myself lucky to be in this class.

Like really. All the good teachers are in my class.

But at the same time comes the high expectations...

I appear offline just to escape from fucking irritating conversations that annoy the hell out of me.

Maybe its just that I've started to hate.

Ah I fucking don't care anymore.

I need to relax and chill...

Even though I really need help from someone,

especially you..

But I'm not going to show any signs of great depression and stress by just staying quiet, once again.

I WILL GET PASS THIS ORDEAL

I PROMISE.

2010-08-15T23:36:00.002+08:00

I still remember the change in tone and the look you gave me when I told you I was stressed.

That moment actually doubled my level of stress.

2010-08-15T23:06:00.003+08:00

People get scared after they experienced broken hearts.

They fear doing the same thing all over again.

Some did not even get to do it but already had their hearts broken, in pieces.

Not just once, but twice.

&That unlucky person is me.

Well, if I weren't that self-centered I won't have posted this anyway.

I think too much.

*The frequency of viewers are increasing...

Hey there Jehiel! Yeah we sure need to meet up!

2010-08-05T18:54:00.002+08:00

I'm back here again. Every time I come back posting on this blog it has to be something personal yet something I wanna say. So, here goes...

Have you ever been in a situation when the one you have affection for is actually the same person behind some of your matchmakings/scandals?

Do you know how it feels?

Do you?

I don't know what's happening.

I think it's just me overreacting.

Anyway please don't do anything to a male just because you are angry, angry and angry.

The consequences are unimaginable.

I just realized how crazy I am.

BTW. SOMEONE LOOKED AT MY BLOG.

AND ITS SOMEONE WHO ENTERED THE URL DIRECTLY FROM THE INTERNET BROWSER.

Just to let you know...

2010-07-26T22:05:00.004+08:00

Sorry if you felt hurt.

I'm just that scared that I can't promote.

I have to put up an act every time

When actually after every moment like this

The tinge of loneliness strikes back

You see, I'm known to be too nice for my own good.

I lack self-empathy

self-compassion

self-esteem.

It's like I'm used to being unfair to myself.

I dunno why but that's how I feel I guess.

No one ever tried to understand why I act in certain manners,

and advise me on how to move forward

that's why I tried to understand other people.

It's never possible to understand yourself without first looking at other people.

Along the journey I have received lots of blows to my self-esteem, as the already low self-esteem meant that I'm very vulnerable to emotional attacks.

Even though I tried to put all this remarks off, deep in my heart I know I'm already hurt.

Even something as simple as "stupid" can remain in my mind for the whole day.

Just imagine if someone says that to me multiple times a day.

I longed for someone to care for me, to understand me, to make me right, to fix me up.

But that day never came.

I almost lost hope.

& maybe I will.

Look, you are doing fine the way you are now.

I don't want to disrupt your peace.

The results tell me that I need to work harder, and that will mean less time with other people, and more time to myself.

Maybe all these are excuses.

Whenever I look into your eyes

I can't help but wonder what you are thinking

And I am too afraid to guess and predict

Cos something about those eyes tell me you are wondering about something

Sorry,

I don't even know how to act cos

I've mixed up my feelings

I've mixed up the real me& in an attempt to get back my self-esteem,

....

I think I just messed things up and made it worse

Felt like putting them into words as they have been hanging in my mind for so long.

No one comes here anyway so I'm glad.

Main point is,

I need time.

I need time to heal.

Especially after last time..

I need time to strike back, recover, and pick myself back onto my feet.

When you see my genuine smile again,

and see me smiling when you talk about school results...

It's not just a broken heart.

It's a messed up state of mind,

an injured heart with lots of scars

and deep within, someone yelling for help.

Don't do anything to give me reasons in closing this blog.

2010-07-24T22:21:00.000+08:00

Realized the root of my problem. A problem that has been existent from the beginning, and a problem that will be very difficult to solve.

It's my self-confidence.
My self-esteem.

2010-07-23T21:41:00.001+08:00

My self-confidence has hit its lowest point ever. I don't even feel like talking. I don't feel like doing any, single, thing.

I don't like the sight of my Facebook webpage. I don't like the sight of anything and everything. It's like a mood swing, just that this is for real.

Fucked up.

This was initially posted on Twitter cos I don't like the sight of my blog.

Help.

I MUST, I SHOULD, I WILL!

2010-07-18T23:11:00.003+08:00

I will persevere.
I will carry on.
I will strive for the best.
I will aim for the highest.

I will get along with ALL my classmates.
I will sleep early so that I can stay awake in school.
I will stop those mindless gaming,
& utilize all the time for something much more productive.

I will work with the teachers instead of holding a hatred towards them.
I will clear my doubts.
I will do my work.
I will do TYS to practice, practice, and practice.
I will try my bestest best to read, read and read for GP.

I will not relent to the horrendous learning environment in AJC.
I will continue working even with one of the most ridiculous/irritating/annoying people in AJC.
I will continue training my body for NS and also my physical health.

I WILL BE DETERMINED.
I WILL GET THROUGH PROMOS.

I WILL GET THROUGH A LEVELS
WITH FLYING COLORS.

AND GET INTO A UNIVERSITY SCHOOL OF MY CHOICE.

Quoted from Mum

2010-07-14T23:30:00.001+08:00

I saw you playing for whole of June holidays and I told your Dad, that your common test surely wont be promising, and indeed it was true. I just didnt want to tell you. Treat this as a lesson.

Just work hard. You can score well for sure. Arent the evidence for the past few years clear enough to prove everything? Look at your sec 1 to 3 results; they are all mediocre. But during sec 4, we witnessed how hardworking you are everyday before the exam and we predicted that you will get a very good score. And yes our prediction is correct.

Work hard, son. I know you can do it. If even at end of the year your result is as bad as now, then you wont be Zhu LingJie. Thats not the Zhu LingJie I know.

Promise me okay? That you will be able to do it right this time.

(translated)

Hey.

2010-07-14T21:08:00.003+08:00

It's been a long time.

I screwed up a part of my life,
& I need to pick myself up once again.

This period is going to be the hardest I will ever experience.
& I know I will need all the support and help I can get in order for me to pull through.

I failed all my subjects.
Well, sort of expected it.
I did not put in too much effort.
I wasted my holidays enjoying too much.
I have gotten way too lazy.

I have disappointed myself in a way I find it hard to accept.
It's not that I can't face my parents with this kind of results,
I can't face myself.
I have done myself a terrible injustice.

I need to buck up.
I need to AT LEAST PASS ALL MY SUBJECTS.

I can't help it but
sorry my world has turned back to its original state,
its usual black&white theme,
its usual emotional theme.

Don't be surprised when you see horrific terms coming out from my blog posts from now on.
This is the result of my behavior change.
My secondary school friends call it 野.

Fuck.
You.

Another part of my life has just begun.

It has been clearly a month since I last posted.
I'm quite sure no one checks my blog anymore.
If I'm wrong, I don't care either cos this blog link isn't stated in any of my social networking profiles.

Unless something happens, I WILL change the blog url.

Hai! o_O

2010-06-14T01:07:00.002+08:00

Never thought I would be back here again.
But I just did.

It's just that life without a little bit of blogging seems sad too.
I guess I will do all this- Facebook, Twitter, Tumblr * Blogger
at the same time... Who knows, more might emerge along the way.

But, sometimes it's seriously (and I mean seriously) hard to decide where to post certain status/messages/posts/quotes. And this becomes a chore.

But I don't like the idea of posting the same stuffs at all 4 platforms either.

Even though I don't like to spend the time going through all 4 platforms, in the end I still do and I use up a big deal of time.

-----

Many things happened.
And I'm talking about stuffs happening deep within me.

Gosh. Everything just changes so fast.
:/

Switching platform

2010-05-31T14:52:00.002+08:00

http://thepigspeaks.tumblr.com

I will be switching to Tumblr.
I think it suits me more than just plain boring blogging.

So yeah, so long Blogger!

Huh?

2010-05-23T03:00:00.002+08:00

What am I doing here in the middle of the night?
I don't know.

A weird way to post.

2010-05-12T22:34:00.003+08:00

"Oh wow a new visitor! Hi there!"
"Kpop?! SNSD LAH HOR LAO ZI DING GOU"

Recently I'm either too lazy or busy, or maybe because my life is damn boring due to all the darn school stuffs which I have never ever appreciated and has no god damn idea why some people are so crazy to score so well in exams and in the end fail at life after school.

Wow why am I typing a huge bunch of words as if I'm ranting like some other girl you see on some random blog? Because I am ranting now. Maybe.

Many events happened.

1. I'm traumatized by male stalkers. The ones who repeat my blogposts to me in school. Somemore that person has extraordinary memory and has seen almost all of the blogposts. Do you know how freaking scary that is?

I don't even stalk girls till that extent lah come on. (Eh don't suan me hor. Don't tell me you never stalk girls (if you are a guy) or guys (if you are a girl) before hor.)

Damn ghey lah. That's my point here.
I blog what I want cannot meh. It's not like I advertise my blog liddat.
I NEVER advertised this blog before. I just posted the link on my Facebook Profile.
This explains the number of tags in the blog. (Notice the fact I didn't mention "Number of visitors" LOOK AT THE BLOODY VIEWCOUNT OMFG SO SCARY)

Lol so many days without blogging, my fingers seemed to type all this shit out naturally in a very fast pace... :o
I don't even take the time to read what I type o_o

Okay enough of the "ghey" part. Lol.
I don't want to talk and talk later link until the issue of homosexuality else this blog post will be god damn long, and I might earn myself a warning from Blogger.

Schoolwork, curriculum, endless, hectic, yet inevitable but only lasts up to next year. So it's worth withstanding/persevering.

But I kinda slack ah.
xD

Sorry, I'm not the nerd/study type.
My origin of happiness comes from fun.
And where does those fun come from?
Entertainment.

End of story. Good bye.

Listen.

2010-05-01T23:23:00.005+08:00

For those people who want to know why and how I follow music news or mainstream music, lemme share with you this blog link:

http://musicologytreat.blogspot.com

This blog contains daily updates about music. I visit it everyday. It updates really fast so you ought to visit it frequently! Hehe.

Notice the fact that mainstream music now consists mostly of R&B, Hip Hop/ Rap..

That music blog is really good. :D

I noticed that ever since I got my iPhone, I've being paying extra attention to music.
:O

Nostalgic.

2010-04-30T22:02:00.005+08:00

Damn if only I kept all my old blog archives including old blogs... This way I can compare the old me with the current me. I'm pretty sure I'm much more positive than before.. I used to be famous for being "Emo". Lol becos of all those emo posts in my blogs which I assumed to be "normal" while other ppl thought that I was emo.

Yes, I know the past is the past, but I do use past experiences as learning points. (omg PW?!)

I still rmb my lower sec blogging years.. Lol and I still rmb the first time I created my own blogskin which looked VERY emo. My theme for a blogskin has always been black&white until now. :D

The only remains of my past is a single blog post in the Windows Live Space of my own email/msn account, sotyboiiz@hotmail.com , and I have no idea what that blog post is about, since it has been so long ago.

But looking at that windows live space, it reminded me that I used to play Habbo when I was very young. Habbo was a platform that thought me how to socialise on the net. Lol yeah those were the years heh. Nostalgic.

Speaking of nostalgia, when I headed back to Lot 1 one fine day to have lunch with some of my friends, I felt a tingling sense of nostalgia as I walked past some of the shops. Memories during secondary school life is just so unforgettable. :)

It's these memories that propel us into living a good and happy life.

In the end, all of us just want to be happy.
Isn't that all we wish for in the end?

EDIT: Oh ya forgot to mention, I read through the tags on my older blog, the-pig-legacy. IF ANY OF YOU TAGGERS HAPPEN TO READ THIS NOW, I WANNA THANK YOU FOR CHEERING ME UP ESPECIALLY DURING THAT PERIOD! :D

Sorry for not replying tags!
This is becos I think it will congest the tagboard so ya...
But anyway not much people tag anyway -.-
If have then I MIGHT reply to the tags using my blog posts. :o

Nothin' On You Ft. Bruno Mars - B.o.B

2010-04-30T20:28:00.004+08:00

Beautiful girls all over the world
I could be chasing but my time would be wasted
They got nothing on you baby
Nothing on you baby
They might say hi and I might say hey
But you shouldn't worry about what they say
Cos they got nothing on you baby
Nothing on you baby

Not not not nothing on you babe
Not not nothing on you
I know you feel where i'm coming from
Regardless of the things in my past that i've done
Most of really was for the hell of the fun
On the carousel so around I spun (spun)
With no directions just tryna get some (some)
Tryna chase skirts, living in the summer sun (sun)
This is how I lost more than I had ever won
And honestly I ended up with none

There's no much nonsense
It's on my conscience
I'm thinking baby I should get it out
And I don't wanna sound redundant
But I was wondering if there was something that you wanna know
(that you wanna know)
But never mind that we should let it go (we should let it go)
Cos we don't wanna be a t.v episode (t.v episode)
And all the bad thoughts just let them go (go, go, go)

Beautiful girls all over the world
I could be chasing but my time would be wasted
They got nothing on you baby
Nothing on you baby
They might say hi and I might say hey
But you shouldn't worry about what they say
Cos they got nothing on you baby
Nothing on you baby

Not not not nothing on you babe
Not not nothing on you
Hands down there will never be another one
I been around and I never seen another one
Look at your style they ain't really got nothing on

And you out and you ain't got nothing on
Baby you the whole package plus you pay your taxes
And you keep it real while them other stay plastic
You're my wonder women call me mr. fantastic
Stop.. now think about it

I've been to london, i've been to paris
Even went out there to tokyo
Back home down in georgia to new orleans
But you always still to show (still to show)
And just like that girl you got me fro (got me fro)
Like a nintendo 64 (64)
If you never knew well now you know (know, know, know)

Beautiful girls all over the world
I could be chasing but my time would be wasted
They got nothing on you baby
Nothing on you baby
They might say hi and I might say hey
But you shouldn't worry about what they say
Cos they got nothing on you baby
Nothing on you baby

Not not not nothing on you babe
Not not nothing on you
Everywhere I go i'm always hearing your name (name, name)
And no matter where i'm at girl you make me wanna sing (sing)
Weather a bus or a plane or a car or a train
No other girls in my brain and you the one to blame

Beautiful girls all over the world
I could be chasing but my time would be wasted
They got nothing on you baby
Nothing on you baby
They might say hi and I might say hey
But you shouldn't worry about what they say
Cos they got nothing on you baby
Nothing on you baby

Not not not nothing on you babe
Not not nothing on you
Yeah and that's just how we do it
And i'ma let this ride
B O B and bruno mars

Pissed?

2010-04-21T21:41:00.004+08:00

Lol okay maybe in some instances heavy metal is noise... Not all the time! xD

For those people who know me well, will probably noe that I don't hate people much unless for their personality/ attitude right?

For some reason I just found someone to hate.

& it makes my days worse.

Some more is from same CCA one.

I don't like this man.

I just don't like it lah that person's personality all those...

Just irritates and annoys the hell out of me.

I know this is bad but.. I really feel very pissed every time we communicate and this does not help a bit in my guitar practices at all.

I don't like to backstab people and so I will just state how I feel.

After all, this is the internet and I cannot be too irresponsible.

I guess I will just tolerate and get used to it.

It's been such a long time since I felt hatred and I ain't liking this.

It just brings my entire mood down.

Darn why must that person enter same CCA, same group somemore.

AH LOL I SHUD JUST STOP COMPLAINING AND GET ON WITH LIFE.

I swear that at this rate if he/she doesn't change or whatsoever I'm going to go crazy.

He/she is driving the guys nuts.

I hope my actions are pretty obvious.

I don't like to be a hypocrite who pretends to be nice, neither do I want to be mean and tell her/him straight in the face to f off.

Therefore, this is as much as I can do.

Hint.

Whew I need to vent my anger somehow right.

I know it's not totally right to do it at my blog... But yeah...

Hectic hectic hectic lifeeee.

If any of you happen to know who I'm talking about pls keep it a secret!

Gah bad mood ruins everything.

Music.

2010-04-15T23:12:00.007+08:00

Look what we have there :O

An unexpected guest! xD

Okay let's talk about the type of music I like.

Let's head back to how my love for music started... I don't really remember lol but I think the first few songs I liked were anime theme songs.

Wait no, I think it was classical music.

Can't really remember stuffs that happened too long ago heh.

But I know the first band I followed was Westlife, followed by Backstreet Boys (Ya i noe this sounds gay but their songs are really nice.) So basically I listened to pop groups first. I listened to them and was pretty emo at that period of time. My favourite songs - Drowning & I Still... by Backstreet Boys.

After that, I got into My Chemical Romance. A rock band. A REALLY emo rock band. Just by listening to the music, I swear your mood will get affected. My favourite songs - I Don't Love You & The Ghost of You by My Chemical Romance. I listened to their songs during the emo period too I think.

After all those unnecessary emo period, I started to watch MTV very frequently and started following the music trends, especially the Hip Hop/ Rap/ R&B ones. I downloaded them and even attempted to learn rapping o_o That was during around Sec 2 I think. And also, mainstream music. I still remembered how I used to really hate the song "Beautiful Girls" by Sean Kingston. Lol.

As time pass by, my life got busier, and my rate of downloading music also became less. But no matter what, I never once failed to acknowledge that I can't live without music. I will listen and sing to music daily no matter what. I feel deprived without music. Up till now, I'm still following mainstream music and very interested in R&B music, cos of the soothing music and voices of the artists. (Y)

Not forgetting, J-Pop, J-Rock and K-Pop! Yup most of them was all due to influence of friends, but I never once regretted listening to them! They are all equally nice in their own special ways too! K-Pop -> SNSD♥ Kwon Yuri♥ J-Rock -> Gazette is nice.

Chinese songs? I got listen one, but lazy to find and update myself. If people give me songs I will listen lor. I do agree that chinese songs nowadays suck. Not as nice as last time one.

So basically I'm actually okay with all genres of music.

EXCEPT, for noisy music. (Heavy Metal, etc.)

I don't get the point of it being MUSIC.

It's NOISE.

I'm becoming more and more open.

I sing to myself sometimes when I'm walking on the streets alone.

I realised that I sing really badly when I'm at school. Even I am disgusted.

Music is my Life.

Next time I download albums liao. Cos lazy to just download one by one LOL.

My eCareer job prospect tells me that I should aim for Composer.

Should I take up music?

I dunno leh.

I shall concentrate on my guitar and singing first bah. (lol) Can treat as pastime/hobby mah.

Btw, I might give up IT as my Uni degree.

I want to aim for something else.

So far my choices are:

- Business

- Engineering (maybe only lah I hate being too technical honestly speaking)

- More possibilities to come..

So, have you thought of your job scopes?

I'm going to be 17 this year and there is not much time left.

A choice needs to be made so that I can strive for it.

I don't even think about my life.

That's worrying.

OR..

Maybe I already know what I want.

But..

My life is still incomplete.

Favourite song currently: Let's Just Fall in Love Again - Jason Castro

Oh ya, did I forget to mention that some of the songs I like actually portray how I feel?

But not the current one. I like it cos it sounds nice.

Define:

2010-04-14T20:56:00.000+08:00

Lonely.

Moody

2010-04-10T00:04:00.004+08:00

I'm blogging because I saw that the blog currently has "69" posts, and the number was kind of disturbing and so I want to get rid of it. Quite reasonable, yeah.

I don't feel very good in terms of mood..

I guess it's all due to reminisce. Oh my god its 2 years already pig. Why is it still in your mind?! I just don't get it.

Lol hope everything's going to get better soon!

Let's hope a few games will help everything.

Hi There.

2010-04-05T22:59:00.003+08:00

This blog is getting freaking quiet.

I know it's weird to start a blog post talking about the current situation of this blog, but..

Look at how the view counts jump.

LOOK.

Like for the love of..

And compare it with the amount of tags I'm getting.

Do you know how freaking scary it is?

Do you know that it caused a reluctance in me to actually blog some interesting stuff about my ongoing life?

Hi stalkers, tag now for the sake of my entertainment and also for the sake of yours. Because I will blog when I see tags. (Most probably, but no promises :P)

Okay so life is hectic as usual, just now I could even fall asleep standing in the MRT.

And during Maths tutorial today I actually fell into a deep sleep. I remembered I actually dreamt! But I forgot what I dreamt as usual hahahah. But of course the tutor ain't happy about it lah. LOL.

I dowanna complain cos I know it will just make things worse.

I just have to persevere on no matter how hard it is gonna get!

Optimism ftw.

I will blog if something interesting happens. (maybe)

Cos most of the time I tweet instead of blog.

Oh shuddup twitter stalkers. xD

Boringgg

2010-03-27T22:38:00.004+08:00

Life's being kind of boring recently...

Not much things done, and the same old usual stuffs at school.

How I wish days could get more interesting!

I won't mind being tired if school is very interesting.

And to make things interesting, I'm watching youtube videos to get some humor and laughter...

Mannnnnn.

Feel so empty.

I just don't know myself, huh.

Slack slack slack slack~

I played games today.

On a mugger's view, it's bad for health.

& on my usual slacker view, it's...

Shit I really am turning mugger.

It can't be that bad... right.

Omg I'm talking to myself in a blog post. NICE.

Am I turning crazy?!

Persevere!

2010-03-20T00:18:00.003+08:00

Umm you know what ignore that last post yeah. :D

The past remains as the past.

Stress generates such stuff so yeah bear with me blog!

Keep on smiling!

Chiong ah!

Let's do this together!

Stand by me.

Warning: Freaking-long Emo Post

2010-03-19T02:32:00.006+08:00

Sometimes I really wonder, what do I really seek for in my life.

What is that one thing I ever wanted,

I can't find the answer yet.

Perhaps I'm not exposed enough.

I'm still young anyway.

It's been a long time since I uncovered my emo side on the internet.

I don't wanna do it again too, since it spoils everyone's impression of me.

I'm not supposed to be emo, it just happens at the wrong time.

And it always happens when I get alone for too long.

Seems that I'm too used to be around company.

I shall find one day to spend time with myself, and maybe a camera around to take down pictures of sceneries I have gotten sight of, which had probably made my day wonderful and meaningful. It's nature that brings life... I don't like being lifeless, doing the same things everyday. I want to spend time doing something special, sometime I like. Perhaps it will help me get rid of lazyness, my biggest enemy.

I'm just thinking, since I'm nearing 17, what are my priorities besides studies? I have never thought further. Actually, I'm still not sure of what university course I should go for.

You see? Life's too typical. I don't like it.

I want a to lead a unique life.

Maybe its me wanting too much, but well these are some of my thoughts, not emo ah.

Okay maybe abit lah.

Since this blog seems very dry, lack of posts due to the blog owner being oh-so-busy until forgot/lazy/don't care/whatsoever excuses. I shall come up with a ~~uber~~ super long post to compensate.

I want to change the picture in my blog soon. But I will need to take more pictures of the skies. The blogskin seems typical, but I'm pretty much fine with it since all I care is the contents. And anyway this blog isn't made for anyone to stalk (although I'm okay with it) I use this blog as a way to express myself somehow. You know, we teenagers don't randomly type out an essay just to talk about what we think right? And that's why this blog helps me.

I'm okay with hectic lives in JC, but not the fact that everything becomes way too typical. I choose things I like, not because I'm forced to. I seem pretty slack at times cos I choose to be that way, I don't like to be a hardcore mugger cos that is really no life! I just want to be an average joe.

An average joe, a neutral, unbiased person who doesn't like to give biased comments and hence say "no comment" and hates to defend himself when he already knows he's in the wrong.

That doesn't necessary mean me, but that's what I think of myself.

I tend to choose the type of music I listen to cos they bring back different memories and experiences back to my life. Music is like a part of my life. (I repeated that dunno how many times..)

I keep thinking this, life is getting boring.

& I'm thinking, what can I do to make it interesting?

Right now I'm alone in the room while all the others are sleeping and typing this whole post out. I'm probably thinking too much, you might be thinking. Yeah, I guess I really am.

And this whole post is the result of someone spending the whole day today to himself and not with anyone else except his ~~god damned~~ computer as he has to finish some god damned e-learning assignments, which he apparently did but he almost went insane, and hence he tried not to talk to anybody as he's afraid his mood will affect them. But he's getting better now.

There's always ups and downs in life.

I can counsel others, but never myself.

But I'll try and go on no matter what.

That is my resolve.

After a good night sleep everything's gonna be okay! :)

Be Happy Always.™

IT"S THE HOLIDAYS!

2010-03-14T16:58:00.003+08:00

Holiday like no holiday liddat.

But nvm its okay!

Let's relax for a while first...

Spending time alone can either be wonderful or disastrous.

So plugging in those headphones can either bring in joy or sadness.

And apparently I hit the sad part yesterday night.

I slept at 4, woke up at 1+. This isn't a good thing.

And I only played a round of DotA.

Guess how I spent the remaining time.

I don't remember but I still can't believe what I just did.

But well I will get over it soon...

Tons of homeworks but lol its no use getting sad over it.

JC life mah what you expect.

I'm already prepared for the worst.

But gosh I really need to do something to my lazyness sometimes.

Tmr's gathering is going to be epiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiic!

RAWR!

But before that I have a maths test. How weird can the timing be?

Lol its okay!

Like I said, knowing how to view things from a good perspective changes everything.

For now, I need some musiccccccc....

So many things to do, so little time.

2010-03-02T22:22:00.003+08:00

I have lots of tutorials that aren't done.

Maths, Physics and Chem.

Maths is easy shit.

Physics is okay to me, I have no probs.

But wtf Chem?! I can't believe I'm having a bit of problems now!

Gotta start revising thru the notes soon... (this seldom happens)

Okay so basically my curriculum is kind of screwed.

Lol so busy and hardly have time for other things... And yet I can still have things undone LOL.

But I still don't have the drive to mug yet. I will get it soon...

And I'm actually using precious time now to blog instead of study. Nice.

But today was really a hectic day.

Don't mention about PE, I will not give up!

I actually survived! I can run 5 rounds (almost) without walking! COOOL.

Everything is going well! Well... except for schoolwork part lol I'm still a tad too slack I think.

2 lab sessions during tuesdays... Not bad.

Guitar CCA is as cool as ever!

I'm picking things up fast!

I love the people there especially hehe.

And one of them might actually be reading this. (WOW HI STALKER!)

Don't mind going home late cos of CCA! I'm enjoying it!

So the remaining problems are...

actually...

I don't really feel a common bond with my PDG mates. I so prefer my OG. Sorry but I really have to admit it... Why do JC2s get to have their OGs as their PDGs? :(

This also causes a drop in my motivation to study.

Perhaps its me bah. It's okay! I will try to be high again!

Oh ya! I know this sounds really 不自量力 but should I join AJ Idol?

Smile!

2010-02-24T23:18:00.003+08:00

I can't get any homework done at home. I swear, I need to do it at school or somewhere else. Home is just too comfortable.

I got my guitar already!

Hehe will start practicing on my own whenever I have free time!

But omg I need to learn how to read guitar tabulature first before I can pick up a few songs online!

Lol I'm damn enthu woooooot.

I guess I should start encouraging people already.

I chose JC, knowing that difficulties will sure arise and everything gets very tight. I'm already prepared for it, if not for my laziness, again failing me. Sian.

I didn't regret going JC. But hell some lectures/teachers here in AJC really should go f*** themselves.

JC = Higher quality education. Didn't you realise... People who came for JCs are usually more civilized? Think about it...

Okay no matter what, it still lies in your perspective.

Many people fail to realize that sometimes the problem lies in what you believe in.

If you believe something is bad and miserable, then of course it will be bad and miserable.

As long as you change the way you view things and believe that everything will go smoothly, then your life will of course go smoothly. Optimism is more than meets the eye!

Indulge in activities that help you to relieve stress! Listen to music, chat with friends, blah blah blah. Come out with these kind of activities especially if you in somewhere as stressful as JC!

Wow I sound like a councilor. Might consider being one. What's Lionel's number again? :D

Enlighten yourself.

One of my favourite quotes (as stated in my facebook profile), is "Be/Stay Happy Always". A quote I thought that we all should always follow. Okay I know I SEEM to get pretty emo sometimes but that's because I use the blog as a manner to relieve my feelings, and hence people thought so. Did you notice the way my mood turns back to normal in a short period of time?

Boredom Kills

2010-02-22T18:27:00.002+08:00

Today was a major waste of time. 4 hours of break oh my god. Okay not too bad lah. Bringing my Macbook doesn't seem to be an intelligent move at all. Lol spent some time with CCKSS peeps today after school.

Only through pain will we learn to let go.

just like how it did to me during the past.

That particular statement almost killed me,

and then did I realize it's harder than I thought.

I really need to spend some time alone.

I'm spending it with others too much.

Sometimes I just neglect myself,

and I even neglect my own feelings.

It's okay! Everything's gonna be alright!

I just need a glimpse of the wonderful sky.

Movies man, movies.

2010-02-21T00:18:00.003+08:00

I still remember how frequently me and Joel and probably some other people used to watch lots and lots of movies at the theatre at Lot 1 last year. Watching movies is like our hobby. But this year, its so gonna be different. I like watching movies, especially movies with meanings and of course movies that are epic.

So... yesterday I watched "72 Tenants of Prosperity" with my OG friends and it was funny, although it contains a bit of crap. Friends and enemies, it's hard to differentiate at times. It was fun being with my OG mates. ;D

And today, watched night movie (not midnight, I can't) with Joel and Shanbei. Watched "Little Big Soldier" although we wanted to watch "Valentine's Day" at first. But nvm Little Big Soldier was fine.. Although I see little meaning, except for the patriotic part.

I'm a big spender man seriously I owe Shanbei $33! & my mum's not happy about it of course. LOL asked her for extra pocket money~ I'm really spoiled.

Can't wait to watch another movie! MOVIE OUTING WITH OG17! "Percy Jackson & the Lightning Thief"!

Psssst my little brother is crying and wailing again. I hate it. He's got some serious attitude problem. And there he goes again. How I wish the door is soundproof.

Music

2010-02-18T21:39:00.004+08:00

Are you someone very interested in music?

If yes, have you ever experienced songs playing by themselves in your mind as if they are describing how you feel?

It's like how dramas show the emotions of a character. You know? whenever something good/bad/whatsoever happens and suddenly a music that suits the mood plays in the background? That's exactly what I meant. It's like your life's a drama. Wow, ain't that cool.

What if your life is a movie? Make it interesting.

Yesterday happened, tomorrow has yet to come, but you have today to satisfy and fulfill, so live today to the fullest. Tell this to yourself every morning you wake up: "I'm gonna have a wonderful day today!"

Make life interesting, make yourself interesting, make life less boring.

Isn't it cool also when you have lots of stories to tell about yourself? Not just to your friends, family or relatives, but also to your children when you get older.

Okay I know it's weird for me to say all these stuff but yeah I think a lot. Especially when I'm alone, alone in the public.

Music is really very influential. It plays a VERY big and important role in my life.

Just so you know.

How are you feeling?

2010-02-17T22:23:00.003+08:00

There's absolutely nothing wrong with being VERY high and VERY outgoing.

It's FUN OKAY!

I realized I'm slowly getting less scared of what people think about me.

Is that good or bad? Lol.

Not familiar with PDG, and sticked with OG like most of the time...

Woot outings with OGs soon!

KBOX HOR!

Can't wait for it lol.

Yup you know me, I sing like maaaaaaad.

I'm like a bit slacking now...

Not revising, not doing homework lol.

No stress..

As usual I'm plain lazy.

Ah feel quite tired sleeping soon.

Everything's going well.

CNY + Valentines!

2010-02-15T01:10:00.002+08:00

Happy CNY!
Happy Valentines' !

Soooooo many visitors.

Can I please not play DotA anymore? :(

Angbaos ahhhhhhhh!

I'm listening to some childhood songs now.

They are lame & childish but bring back good memories.

Let's enjoy life.

I'm heading back to normal life once again,

the truth came in and the old me came back.

The never-say-die, the never-feel-stress attitude, the happy-go-lucky, the always-enthu me.

Oh like come on.

I just realized how stupid the past 3 months went.

Like seriously.

Haha.

& so, life goes on.

What obstacles will I encounter?

And how am I going to face it?

Life is just sooo interesting.

It's Gettin' Darker.

2010-02-11T20:42:00.002+08:00

The vision of the sky is getting blur.

I have come to a resolution.

I don't do things that I will eventually regret,

and so I've decided.

The more I think about it, the more I wanna laugh.

So fucking stupid.

Hahaha.

I need a break.

Won't be blogging until I get some peace of mind.

Until I see the skies once again.

Let's Get Straight to the Point.

2010-02-10T19:15:00.003+08:00

Joined Guitar Ensemble as my CCA!
Played games today and got to know a few new people heh.
The same old me, as usual was pretty high.
Played captain ball and it was really fun! :D
Can't wait to start guitar practices.
$200+ for the set of instruments and kits. Omg need to ask my parents for money liao.

Dear friend, you are thinking too much. You are not a loner. You are the one that made yourself a loner. & by breaking out of your own boundaries and take a step ahead, and act upon yourself, you can make things change. There's a reason why I never say "FML", it's because we are the ones that decide our own way of life, we decide how our life goes and heads. Do spend some time pondering over how to make things improve instead. You should also stop thinking too much. Your friends are always there for you. Sorry if you felt neglected cos I just have so much to do. I need to live my own life right. I dunno if you read my blog but if you do, please understand. I can't get myself to say such stuffs in real life anyway. I WILL stay as your best friend. If you go emo-ing about it then things REALLY won't go the way you would want. Stay happy.

Omgggggg gonna leave my OGs soon! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.

Will miss them man. Especially Nicholas lol. He and his sticky eyes. He's worse than Yanjiang lah seriously, somemore I join in omg. So stalkish omg. The girls also :D:D:D

Are you reading this and wondering what I'm thinking now?

Lemme tell you this, I'm wondering the same thing too.

But you know me, any indication of annoyance turns me off.

Go On Girl.

2010-02-09T21:45:00.002+08:00

The internet is a platform where information can be easily posted and referred.

& I'm very aware of that.

Some people fail to understand that though.

Hi there.

2010-02-09T18:23:00.004+08:00

Got to know my PDG today (my new class), and apparently no one I know of is in the same class as I am. Nvm we can always make new friends! :D:D

My new friends are indeed very entertaining, lol. I must thank them for guiding me through some of the school work, as I'm a comb science student. Maths is as easy as ever, but it's only the beginning so its too early to tell. JC life has yet to begin!

I can't take it anymore.

But I must admit, how amazing it is that it brought me so much motivation.

The motivation for me to change, to dream, and to work hard.

But there are bad effects too.

If only it didn't happen.

I think I'm confused due to external factors.

Life's being unpredictable, as usual.

The energy and spirit to carry on is slowly dying down.

I keep restraining myself from typing vulgarities.

What a pain in the ass.

Okay sorry but I feel very pissed now.

Perhaps I've chosen the wrong time to blog.

Let me cool down a little bit.

Perhaps it's caused by the hectic lifestyle.

Just carry on with your life.

The Way You Are

2010-02-08T20:29:00.004+08:00

After waking up from my nap, I feel as if I can do everything and am really confident.

Gonna try sleeping early today. Maybe start off with 11pm first?

Let's give it a try.

Oh no now my whole group knows about it.

So this week's gonna be great. :D

Skipped lunch today, as usual.

It's like being hungry but don't have the appetite to eat.

The feelings and emotions inside me are beginning to be out of control.

Let me show you how I feel.

Don't step back.

Brace Yourself.

2010-02-07T20:25:00.003+08:00

The way the view counts jump is kinda scary... Lol.

Sometimes music play by themselves in my mind... Somehow showing how I feel.

Amazing.. As all these songs are always related to love.

Okay let's not wonder too much.

School's starting tomorrow again, hope I don't doze off or something omg.

Talks, PW and GP lectures tmr.. Wow.

I better start studying soon...

I have not started yet. LOL slacked through the whole weekend.

Sort of accompanied my little brother to watch Kamen Rider Decade.

LOL I KNOW. I'M CHILDISH.

Well sometime someday we're all going to grow up to be adults I guess.

Teenage years are meant to be cherished!

They are the most memorable and enjoyable!

Get ready this upcoming week.

Unpredictable moments happened, but they ain't knocking me down.

Thunder

2010-02-06T17:24:00.005+08:00

I like the chorus.

I don't feel like doing anything now.

There were times I felt like pouring everything in my mind right at your face, but it wouldn't be nice.

What'ya Want From Me?

2010-02-05T19:29:00.005+08:00

Kept dozing off omg... I actually dozed off during my first ever lecture in JC!

Need to sleep earlier liao.

Liddat sure will affect my studies one.

Lol I suck at bball x(

Played bball with OG mates and totally sucked omg.

School work's coming... I'm gonna mug soon!

Is it divine intervention?

Psst I ain't lovin' this.

What's this man. I don't get where this is going.

i don't portray my negative emotions.

Shut up seriously.

2010-02-04T18:57:00.005+08:00

Ignore that retard who doesn't process what he speaks.

Lunch with OG, and a round of bowling with some of the OG mates! ~

Fun, fun and fun. Awwww don't wanna leave them man.

Here's what's written in the letter by my OGLs:

"Yo LingJie!

According to your grp, you dance well like Elvis Presley! HAHA. Hope you enjoyed orientation! (esp. dance, LOL) Thank you for your participation & enthusiasm. Hope you made many new friends and know the school better!

A-M-I-A-T-A

Enjoy JC life! Gd luck in whatever you pursue!

Study Hard, Play Hard, ROCK ON!

Your OGLs, Esther, YuTing, Bryan."

Made a new friend within mere minutes as he was from AJC too and we found each other living just beside each other (the block number). Lol it was incredible.

I can sense myself changing.

Different groups of friends have different impressions of me... Now I know why.

I'm constantly changing myself.

It is really rare for me to hate someone but really you made me do it.

I'll make sure I input some logic into you someday.

Something's different about you.

I really don't like how things are heading but nevertheless I won't give up.

I Dedicate This to You

2010-02-03T22:42:00.004+08:00

I'm very scared that I will forget you,

given the current situation.

I'm confused.

I shall try to settle it myself.

I started all this.

Don't worry.

I loveeeee my OG!

Seventeen might just be my favourite number! :D

Lol had dinner with them and even got our OGLs a gift! Chatted a lot and got to know each other. One of them was my primary school friend so yeah.. So bonded hehe.

AMIATA!~

Shut up.

2010-02-02T19:37:00.004+08:00

I'm so gonna ignore you.

I'm the one having a problem, so I'm going to face it myself.

The dance session today was fun. It was Couple Dance! :D
But...

Anyway, I had fun today.

I'm really angry at myself.

Oh yeah having dinner with my OG mates tomorrow! We're so united hehe.
I feel so glad as they have a totally different impression of me from what I expected... (I'm a com geek! Not sporty! XD) And lol @ the girls.

This is rare but I blogged for the sake of blogging. I don't have the mood now.

Bye.

Are you happy?

2010-02-01T20:40:00.003+08:00

The difference between children and us, is that they aren't scared at doing things they want. They don't worry, neither do they think much about it.

Today's orientation was fun. Dancing to Nsync's song is okay... lol. The games are very fun and we managed to get hyped up woots no more dozing off I hope! At the beginning I keep taking mini-naps whenever there's free time.

I don't seem to feel any blues today at all! :D
Was pretty happy today I guess. Hehe.
Didn't even feel like listening to mp3...

Making people happy is a pleasure.

It's all in a matter of perspective.

I can look anywhere in the world but at you. And it hurts to look anywhere in the world but at you.

A quick update.

2010-01-31T18:35:00.003+08:00

School was fine although I have to wake up early... at around 5am. There are newspapers (mypaper) available for free at the LRT stations so I can actually kill boredom while on my journey to school. Whew it was rather intense as we had to choose our subject combo in such a short period of time and also our CCAs.

Didn't really had a good mood this few days though. I managed to lighten up using some methods... And there is always the same reason to why I'm feeling down. I'm gonna pick myself up no matter what.

Geez have to buy so many things for JC... $$$ ! Can't wait for lessons to start for some reasons...

I need to get the habit of changing perspectives!

As soon as things start being the way they should be instead of the way they are, I’ll start telling them to you that way.

I Wrote This For You

2010-01-30T19:43:00.007+08:00

http://pleasefindthis.blogspot.com

This blog can't be described. Visiting it should help.

It's amazing the way we change perspectives.

"I'll understand your silence. Because sometimes, you'll have to understand mine."

"There are a million important things to do. But none as important as lying here next to you."

Listen to Ne-Yo.

2010-01-29T20:51:00.003+08:00

I need a break.

Life could have been better if you guys didn't always remind me over and over again.

Life could have been blissful.

I'm taking a break from all this.

School's Starting!

2010-01-27T21:47:00.002+08:00

Sad tomorrow need go school.

Sad tomorrow need to wake up at 5am then report at 7am.

Happy that finally school's starting.

Happy that I can meet and make new friends.

Someone from AJC by the name of Yuting (a girl) called and told me information about the orientation, like what group I am in, etc. I was only shocked that I have to report at 7am, not 7.30am. 30 minutes is a lot. LOL

Okay gotta sleep soon.... But I really wonder if I can fall asleep hehe.

Interesting Quotes

2010-01-26T02:23:00.007+08:00

Saw these quotes on Facebook and found it interesting.

"I don't think outside the box, I think without the box."

"Logic gets you from a-b but imagination will take you everywhere."

"Forget the risk, take the fall, because if it's what you want, then its worth it all."

"If you talk to a man in a language he understands, that goes to his head. If you talk to him in his language, that goes to his heart."

"The great question that has never been answered, and which I have not yet been able to answer, despite my thirty years of research into the feminine soul, is "What does a woman want?"

"If a man will begin with certainties, he shall end in doubts; but if he will be content to begin with doubts, he shall end in certainties.''

'' Life is like riding a bicycle. To keep your balance you must keep moving.''

Man of a Few Words

2010-01-25T23:05:00.003+08:00

Okay so the bag I bought received numerous negative comments from my family members. The size is the biggest matter apparently. All of them agreed that I'm more suitable to a bigger bag. So what? Should I exchange for another one or what? My mum wants me to exchange. Wow.

But the design is nice okay. I must have confidence in my own taste. The size, can't be blamed cos that's the only size it comes in...

Should have bought some coffee during today's outing cos I was pretty tired... Or was it just me? Walking around orchard road for the whole day makes me pretty sure I'm gonna lose a few kilos. Heheh. Bought the bag and the pencil box, which received good feedback, but not the bag..

AND MOST IMPORTANTLY, I MUST THANK VALERIE/WENYI/SHANBEI FOR BUYING ME THE BIRTHDAY PRESENT-JACKET WHEN I LEAST EXPECTED IT. Yeah I was pretty speechless at that moment cos I was shocked+surprised you see, so THANKS SO MUCH!

I didn't realize how nice it looked until I tried it on just now. NICEEEE!

---

"Only with challenges, can we achieve great heights."

Why must i have blues today? ):

I wanna change.

2010-01-24T14:28:00.003+08:00

Ever since I got my first computer during Primary 4, It's as if the computer is another world of mine. I used the computer the whole day and am deeply obsessed with it.

Now, I did improve and use the computer less frequently than before. The amount of time spent on the computer is just unimaginable.. Well soon this is gonna change, as we slowly grow up and have more important things to do.

Well thinking about it, I used to be in my own world of computers, and slowly becoming some anti-social person. I'm glad I gradually changed.

Thought of this last night before I fell asleep. And gosh I think a lot before I sleep. But most of them are forgotten by the next day.

AND I should stop waking up at 1pm in the afternoons omg!

Jap Dramas (Y)

2010-01-23T23:16:00.004+08:00

Most dramas I've seen bear no meaning or lessons to learn. But for some reasons the Japanese Dramas I've watched so far taught me a few stuffs. They are inspirational.

I learned that...

- Trying is better than not doing anything. It doesn't harm you.
- Revenge is definitely not an answer.
- As long as you believe, anything is possible.

Each point came from dramas, "Proposal Daisakusen", "Kurosagi" and "Nobuta wo Produce" respectively.

Man... Life's just so exciting. Sometimes spending time alone can be quite beneficial...

A blog helps... To remind.

2010-01-22T23:02:00.005+08:00

Okay before my STM acts up before I realize it even does, I shall list a few things to be done.

1. Transfer photos from my phone to the computer (Some nice scenery pics yay!)
2. Transfer NEW music into my phone omg I'm so lazy.
3. Clean up my desktop as my brother apparently messed it up. (He messed up the desktop as it's full of pictures of I dunno what)
4. Watch moar MTV (nidda watch out for new music/MV, as always!)
5. Get ready for JC education! (Both mentally & physically)
6. Some shopping for what I might need...
7. Get back my Hard-disk Drive asap from my friends.
8. Ask my junior and confirm with him about the tutoring job he offered.

These are things I need to remember to do often...

8. Don't forget about 海派甜心 episodes which comes every Sunday.
9. Don't forget to catch up on animes "Naruto" & "Bleach" often.
10. HOMEWORK/REVISION IS TOP PRIORITY.
11. Help my brother(s) in his studies.
12. Work hard towards my New Year Resolution: Be a better person.

There are still some other important stuffs to take note of... But it's not convenient to list it down here...

----

I'm not that jealous that many of you have an iPhone, as I don't need much use in a cellphone anyway... I'm more than satisfied with my current CLASSIC NOKIA phone.. Hehe @ Joel & Shanbei. I know its weird when I have a Macbook but no iPhone. LOL.

Me & my family went out to have dinner today. LOL @ my little brother's stubbornness. Cleaned the kitchen today with Mum. Getting ready for CNY I guess.

I wonder what happens when JC starts. Next week's definitely gonna be crazy. I'm gonna meet with my friends and shop together for the last time before we separate ways... I'll miss them definitely. I guess this is inevitable.

I don't feel like playing games nao.

I'm putting my entire music on shuffle nao. Nice, exciting and funny when some songs pop-out and somehow depict what you are thinking.

It feels good to blog with little/no people tagging you know. But the view counters are scary in their own way...

Enlightened.

2010-01-20T01:09:00.003+08:00

Didn't have the time to blog this few days.
Went out with friends, gaming session with friends, etc etc.

Since school's gonna start soon, I have to use the remaining time wisely to spend time with my friends. We are gonna separate and soon embark on a new journey in our life.

This is a very long holiday, in fact I think the only one we'll ever remember in our teenage history. It's the longest yet, and I don't want to waste any bit of it.

I swear that whatever I blog here is truly what I feel and think, and please I hate it when people misjudge and misunderstand me. (Just saying that in case some people do.) I don't hate people, as well as stick to people too much. I like being neutral as it's a fair way to treat people around me... Maybe I'm wrong and I might change the way I am. We'll never know what's gonna happen in the future. But that's what makes life interesting. Friends are important, treasure them.

I make it a point to do things that I won't regret. Never ever. Maybe its the past that made me this way, but I have lack of confidence in myself in doing certain things. I've been trying to brush up this matter since a long time ago, and it's improving. I'm glad.

I can't wait for a whole new life in JC. New friends and many other new things that will sure leave a big mark in my life. Like my new year resolution says, I aim to be a better person. I'm not materialistic, I only yearn for an enjoyable and happy life. But first of all I need to satisfy most of my curiosity about life. I am young, we are young, its still a long way to go.

Never relent, never give up. That's the last thing you want to do and then regret about it for your entire life. Give it your best try in everything you do and if you do know your flaws and weaknesses, don't waste time crying over it but use that time to change it. Perhaps there are many more things yet to be learned, but I know that I won't give up, for life is challenging yet interesting. I have a resolve, a purpose.

Enlighten me, enlighten yourself.

I learned that we CAN think too much, but you must control on what you think. Think about the positive things, be optimistic, be happy.

Be Happy Always.

---

I don't really care who views my blog anyway. It's for myself to keep and for others to find out. I didn't purposely publicize to any other people unless on my profile pages in Twitter and Facebook, and perhaps my old blog. That's all I guess.

I am smiling. Are you?

Nice song.

2010-01-17T15:03:00.003+08:00

Automatic x8

You're automatic and your heart's like an engine
[ Woo oohh oohh oohh oohh ]
I die with every beat
You're automatic and your voice is electric
[ Woo oohh oohh oohh oohh ]
Why do I still belive?
It's automatic every word in your letter
[ Woo oohh oohh oohh oohh ]
A lie that makes me bleed
It's automatic when you say things get better
[ Woo oohh oohh oohh oohh ]
But they never

*There's no real love in you
There's no real love in you
There's no real love in you
Why do I keep loving you?*

It's automatic counting cars on a crossroad
[ Woo oohh oohh oohh oohh ]
They come and go like you
It's automatic watching faces I don't know
[ Woo oohh oohh oohh oohh ]
Erase the face of you
It's automatic, systematic, so traumatic
You're automatic

*There's no real love in you
There's no real love in you
There's no real love in you
Why do I keep loving you?*

Automatic x14

Each step you make
Each breath you take
Your heart
Your soul
Remote-controlled
This life is so sick
You're automatic to me

There's no real love in you x4

*There's no real love in you
There's no real love in you
There's no real love in you
Why do I keep loving you?*

Automatic x2
There's no real

Automatic x2
Love in you

Automatic x2
Why do I

Automatic x2
Keep loving you?

Automatic

The Results, The Choices.

2010-01-15T18:47:00.003+08:00

Basically this is my O-level results.

English A2

Comb Humanities A2

Comb Science A1

Maths A1

A.Maths A1

Computer Studies A1

Chinese B3

And some of you should know that I'm making a big fuss over the fact that I have a B3 in my result slip. Causing... Okay you know...

And this whole week was not too happy for me at all because I still have to select my schools. And it was a headache. I swear. I submitted my choices at Friday 3am+.

Lazy to post my choices here, LOL.

But basically the first 3 choices are AJC, NYJC and JJC.

Time to "justify myself".

For AJC and NYJC their IT seems good.

For AJC its like the same distance as NYP (Holy ****) but nearer than NYJC. I don't mind old environment as I didn't mind while I was back in CCKSS. As long as the facilities are good enough, I'm okay with it. I heard its a mugger school. (AIN'T THAT COOL?) So what if the retain rate is 15%? Gosh that's because its a JC. You don't study = die. I will and that's why I'm not freaking scared. And of cos, the academics are better than NYJC. (what?)

Why not ACJC and SAJC? Simple, they don't interest me.

I have 2 weeks left... How am I gonna spend it?

I am going to miss my friends, my carefree life, the time I spent procrastinating/slacking, my games, my leisure, and a few more.

But studying/mugging, here I come.

Junior College life, here I come.

Okay I really wonder how's life going to be like for the next 2 years but yeah I'm excited for it.

I rushed this blog post so probably I might leave something out..

Gosh @ My STM.

Something Happened.

2010-01-08T14:24:00.003+08:00

The chalet was a blast. It was epic.

I'm honoured to be part of it. (The horrifying/exciting/thrilling scenes of my cycling accidents)

Overall, I had a lot of fun.

Although I thought that bringing my Macbook was... Um, wrong.

But hey all of us had fun.

I had a weird and mysterious dream yesterday when I was asleep at home after the 3D2N chalet. It made me feel very miserable when I woke up.

And no, it has nothing to do with the O Level Results.

To be frank, the worries I have for it is minimal.

I'm more worried about my decision between JC and Poly.

The dream, actually, has nothing to do with my education path.

It is about...

I feel miserable.

Someone, help.

I need some laughter.

Didn't go for open house trips today because I was too tired/ having difficulty walking.

But I really want to visit omg...

For some reasons, I'm more interested in JC Open Houses.

Haiz...

Someone, help.

Money !

2010-01-03T22:01:00.002+08:00

I'm spending money like mad...

The BBQ yesterday drained lots of my $$$ !

Hope I can get pocket money or something...

I feel very bad every time I get money from my mum, and that's why I do it very seldom..

I need to be more independent!

I need another job!

Screw this job I'm having now which is split among 4 people.

Can I leave the job to u guys?

Man seriously.

Need to earn some monehhh...

My life feels really empty.

I didn't feel like doing anything on my computer.

Feel like talking and chatting with peepos...

But well just don't feel like doing anything.

So basically I'm procrastinating.

Normally this kind of situation... Going to school is the solution, but well... uhhh =.=

I'm even lazy to type what I'm thinking zomfg.

Ahh LOL.

Lonely I guess...

Let music be my companion for now...

Hi there.

The number views on my blog jumps like crazy.

I know its blog-hopping or whatever your excuse is for not tagging... But it kinda makes me feel unsure and unsafe when I want to blog. You know... Okay I know I'm being unkind too but...

Lol I'm playing with my own mind.

Ah I gotta go patch my l4d2 to kill some time. CHAT WITH ME PL0X

A New Beginning

2010-01-01T15:09:00.005+08:00

The start of 2010... It marks the beginning of a new life.

The year 2009 was probably the most productive year in my life.

Besides the fact that I got really much better in my studies, I think its the maturity level that has also grown to a significant level.

I'm somehow glad that I quitted DotA at the start of Sec 4. It allowed me to concentrate and focus better on my studies, which eventually led to an improvement in my academics. And through that process, I lost, but also made some new friendships. I got into a somewhat different lifestyle than 2008, and through the adjustment process, I learned a lot of moral values, with the help of my beloved mother. She guided me along as I was the eldest of the 3 boys in the family, giving me tips about life. Without her, it might have been impossible. Love you, mum.

All the obstacles faced and overcame during 2009 is none like any other. I'm sure you will agree with me that you have matured a lot this year, especially the Sec 4 batch (my batch). Seeing people prosper and do well has been a hobby to me. I tend to respect those people. I was pretty neutral between friendships and stuffs, and because of that, I sometimes get stuck in between people who hate each other, all the complicated relationships that I never once experienced before. I hated it, but yeah I got the hang of it. It's the reality of the world.

This year is truly a great milestone in my life. I picked up a lot, and made a lot of changes in my life. What's my new year resolution? It is to become a better person in life. This will be an endless journey, but lots of thrills and excitements which brings the meaning of life. The journey of changing oneself will never end. But nevertheless, I will carry on.

It has been great meeting new friends and forming new friendships. But at the same time, I want to salvage broken friendships that should otherwise not be. If it takes a fresh new beginning to start everything all over again, I will more than glad to.

I think, we are all still too young to think of doing much better things (What adults do) For example, the job I'm taking now should actually be taken by a University graduate... I think I'm too young for it. (Wait till you experience it...) And so I guess I should take less professional jobs... But I have this weird mentality of wanting to have fun instead of working my ass off to get money. Perhaps it can't be blamed on me, but mainly because I'm still young. (Look at my birthday for goodness sake) Since this holiday might be the longest I will ever get in my entire life, I should just probably use this time to do something I really want.

The way of life can never be comprehended by anyone else but yourself, you define your own ideal way of life, you define your own life.

And the journey in my life continues on, may this blog prosper and never fall like how the old ones did. May there be colourful moments recorded in this online diary, and perhaps create a good impression and legacy.

I have just begun the life of a young adult.

A new mentality, a whole new beginning.

A greater independence.

This is like the first episode of the new series of my life... (lol)

Happy New Year everyone.

Enjoy the rest of the holidays before it last.

2009-12-29T21:44:00.003+08:00

Something terrible happened to me during my sixteenth birthday.

I'm not going to say what,

but basically it ruined everything.

I want my peace, joy and happiness back.

A GOOOOOOD Day.

2009-12-29T00:46:00.003+08:00

What is my typical "GOOOOOD" day?

- Laugh like never before

- Relax and do what I want

- No work, no worries

- Smile from the bottom of my heart

- No trace of sadness

& of course with friends and family.

Geeeez I'm getting lazier of blogging, probably getting more happier and hence less stories to tell... Why now some happy stories hehe. But happy stories are harder to tell unless they are VERY interesting.

Finally my birthday. Honestly speaking, I didn't really enjoy my past birthdays much. (Coz of the date omfg) Hope this will be a better one.

HAPPY NEW YEAR ! (soon...)

I wish...

Dilemma

2009-12-26T13:56:00.004+08:00

JC or Poly?

I need to make a decision by next Monday as the people from NYP need to confirm with me for the appointment for an interview for the NYP DIS Scholarship (Diploma in Information Security).

It seems that my prelim results are eligible for the applying for the scholarship already. But it happens so quickly and I have not even decided yet.

I heard that the JC education system is different than before, more stress, and even smart students get retained. Will I take the risk and continue studying my ass off for the sake of going into University? Going JC will be a major challenge. And only with challenges, will we improve and strive harder for what we want.

For Poly, even smart students go for Poly because they know what career they want to aim for already. Poly offers an education that allows you to be more skillful in a particular area that is needed in a Career (speaking the obvious...) And it is much more relaxed and slack... BUT, there is this scholarship that helps to pay all the course fees and there are allowances when you do very well. Of course, you have to meet all the criteria, like good conduct all those. And if you are scholar, you will maybe have an increased chance of going to University.

How? I'm scared I'll wasting time if I go JC. (The chance of retaining) And I'm scared of the results of my Poly Education (if I'm not disciplined enough, it might decrease my chances of going uni!)

HELP!

Very happy

2009-12-25T00:38:00.004+08:00

I really wanna thank you guys for making this year seem so meaningful,

especially this part of the year.

Thank you.

The X'mas Party was great.

I think it will be the best I will ever have even though it was first one.

Merry Christmas to all!

And to all, a good night.

Dear Santa, do you know what I'm wishing for?

All I want is to feel this emptiness inside my heart.

Empty

2009-12-23T23:06:00.002+08:00

Geez my head is aching.
Needa sleep soon for KBOX TOMOLO!
Zomg have not bought the headgear and present for tmr's xmas party yet..
HOWHOW?

Teenage love huh.
How comical.
We know nothing.
I know nothing.

So Sick

2009-12-22T19:09:00.004+08:00

Was darn tired today during the afternoon that I had to take a nap... It never happened before. Maybe because I woke up early in the morning to go to NYP to get my prize-camera and probably, stress from work. The clients are pissing me off to a small extent... But yeah I understand them.

The camera's very cool. And I still feel quite lethargic.. Maybe a shower later will solve it.

My skin hurts a little bit due to the sunburn. Maybe the legs too. This is the second time in my entire life that I got a sunburn. Geeeezz.

The more I try to forget and erase from my heart, the more I remember.

CCA Outing at ECP

2009-12-21T21:10:00.003+08:00

This is probably one of the best outings I have ever been.

My pathetic junior overslept and left me waiting at Mac for a few minutes before I decided to have breakfast myself. He was uncontactable then. But well got myself a cup of well-mixed coffee.:D Met the juniors/ friends later at CCK MRT at 8am. Most of them have not changed. -.- And so we traveled to ECP.

Cycled from ECP to Changi and then back again. Didn't get to see airplanes on the runway though! Darn lol. Cycled for 2 hours and after that my legs felt very powerless/ weak/ heavy. After that we played in the water and got myself all wet. That's when the extra clothings come in. And the sun was scorching hot today.

I was pretty scared of getting a sunburn as I didn't apply sunblock and my skin was feeling "burnt" from that scorching sun. And of course my worries became reality...

CAUSING ME TO HAVE TO WEAR LONG SLEEVE TOMORROW FOR THE PRIZE-GIVING OF THE CAMERA OMG. Gah nvm it's okay.

I'm pretty tanned lol. Sunburns on my hands (arms) and maybe the ears!

IT Club might never flourish again like before. After these 2 batches go... I'm afraid... Well that's reality.

& my business is slowly flourishing. ;)

Who knows my blog man seriously, PLEASE OWN UP
@ the tagboard.

(:

2009-12-19T23:08:00.016+08:00

Thank you fate,
for helping me this time.

I will let you decide.
For now, I'll just do what I want.

I prefer it to be this way,
it's much more happier.
And hence, I've decided.

Life goes on.

"Ashita Hareru Kana" by Keisuke Kuwata

2009-12-19T18:54:00.004+08:00

Ending song for Proposal Daisasuken

Currently...

2009-12-17T21:57:00.003+08:00

I'm taking my time to relax.

What are holidays for?

Not for doing things you don't like of course, but for doing stuff we like.

And since many friends are all at work, I can't meet with them often.

And sorry that I didn't make it for today's movie outing, Cheryldine. LOL

Watching a movie in the morning just doesn't feel right...

You might think it's an excuse... But still, sorry.

Of course I'll go out once and then to settle some work.

Want jio me out? Sure no prob I'm freeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

Except on some days which are BOOKED.

Lol my blog seems less interesting already eh? Don't feel like posting work-related stuff so much anyway.

Met up with my CCA junior today and did some catching up. Well seems my CCA has gotten a pretty bad CCA teacher... Can't wait to go for the CCA outing at 21dec. I miss my CCA mates man.

Ah I still dunno JC or POLY.

Sigh...

2009-12-16T19:25:00.003+08:00

I need something to feel this emptiness.

I keep sighing today. ._.

Let's not talk about work IN my blog.

Money doesn't make me happy at all.

Then why work for money?

All the time spent alone made me realize some things.

What can I say?

Life's always challenging.

& I can't run away from the fact anymore.

I'm still stuck.

Me?

2009-12-15T20:57:00.005+08:00

I just want to be happy.

I don't care how.

I...

I want to live in the present.

I don't care about the past.

I want courage to face my own feelings.

Time for Miracles by Adam Lambert

2009-12-14T23:52:00.004+08:00

I used to reminisce about the past. But some stories of my secondary school life will be posted much later on... When the time is ripe.

Why did I name myself a fool? And why was my first blog named the-fool-always? There's always a reason in whatever we do. I will tell you the story next time... Or should I do it now? I don't know who visits this blog, as I might unnecessary hurt someone. Yes I only post something when I know it doesn't hurt anyone's feelings. (It's a blog, it's public, IT'S THE INTERNET!)

Even though I have moved on, some of the feelings still remain. A scar remained, a phobia developed. This phobia is no ordinary phobia. It's something more deep and emotional. It might be considered a fear. Let time heal and let's not think too much.

That's what happens when I spend some time alone. I might think too much.

Don't think too much, dude.

The past is history, treat it as experience.

I hope I can learn from my past mistakes and experiences as I type all of my life stories out.

I like to listen to songs, especially ones that are very similar to how I feel right now.

Ah. Life is so interesting.

Failures and Stepping Stones

2009-12-13T22:26:00.002+08:00

Right now I've been waiting for calls for clients... Hehe.

But something terribly unfortunate happened this morning, at 8am+. To all of you who know me very well, I should still be asleep. My phone rang, (I don't switch it off) and I was awakened by the annoying but catchy ringtone... To find out it was an unknown number.

"Oh shit, it's a client, SO EARLY IN THE MORNING?" I was of course, very annoyed. I picked up the phone...

"Are you looking for a rental consultant?"

"Yes..." in a sleepy tone.

"Is it fine that I called you in the morning... or..?"

"Ya it's okay." (NO IT'S NOT U SON OF A)

And due to by absent-mindedness, which is caused mainly because I just woke up, I lost that client. I didn't explain the job prospects properly. Darn. And later in the evening today I got a call from a very busy client who wasn't able to make it for any fixed appointments I had, but was willing to call me again next year.

Well at least there's some good news. Hehe.

I think almost the whole of Chua Chu Kang neighbourhood has my number already x_x

It won't be that tiring tomorrow. Whew.

----------

I dreamt myself drawing comics again.. This time drawing short and coloured comic strips. Did I mention before... I used to draw comic books during Primary School? There was people willing to buy it (like seriously) but of course I didn't. Well I loved drawing back then... As it's one of the only ways to express myself through all those drawings.. As I was a bit anti-social.

Forget about who I was during primary school... I just want to point out that I used to aspire as an artist. It's been a long time since I last sketched something. I still remembered some teachers telling my parents that I have a flair in drawing... Take me to art courses... Blablabla. But as I grew up, I soon realized I have an imbalance of creativity and imagination. I lost confidence in drawing. I don't need to draw anymore. I have become more outgoing.

And so that was part of my life story.

Did people ever wondered why I hated sports so much when I started secondary school? It all started during primary 4.

I was fat. I'm serious. And it meant that I couldn't participate well in NAPFA tests. I failed my sit ups as I couldn't even do a single one. During the NAPFA retest, the sports head, who was very tall and strict, was put in charge of the sit ups. When it was my turn, yes I still couldn't complete a single one despite the presence of a very feared beast.

Instead of trying to help me, his words seemed to rather discourage me, and furthermore, INSULT me. "What do you think you are doing? What? Are you dying? Why are you holding your neck? Is someone strangling you?" I gave up. When I got right back onto my knees. He said something that probably hurt me for the rest of my life.

"YOOOOOOU HAAAAAAVE FAILED!"He walked towards me at a steady pace, shouting and dragging his voice. That benevolent eyes, I will never forget. Yes, I cried. I didn't return back to class until 30 minutes later. (The retest was held during school hours) No one knew about this.

But, I've held a different perspective now. No one shall change the way I am.

And that was another part of my life story.

I will never give up.

Not again...

2009-12-13T00:06:00.003+08:00

Wait, no.
I'm not ready at all.

I'm stuck again.

Crush by David Archuleta.